"yeah, but I'm used to work in pain"

"yeah, but I'm used to work in pain" - I said that today (or something similar, can't remember exactly anymore.) when I was talking with wife about which of us should drive to town to get the offspring. She wasn't well, and I had all-body-pain on (because I had to stacking firewood... a lot.. because I was at home alone when firewood came and naturally there was snowing.)

But seriously, is this my life? I'm use to the living in pain? I'm willing to do things even that I'm in pain? I'm so much in pain, that I don't even care anymore.
Damn.. Those rare occasions when I don't have pain.. Well, I don't even realize it.. I'm just wondering why I'm so happy.

I've been suffering one or another kind of pain about.. 11years I think.. Back about then I broke my back.. there's some invertebrate disc that's not working and therefore my right leg is in pain and doesn't work as it use to. Some nerve is in constant pressure. Then there's this nice and friendly fellow, fibromyalgia. Latest pain source has been my hand(s), now.. years ago one doctor took some x-rays and told me that my wrist are full of tiny fractures. And they would not do anything about it.

SO... now things have taken new turn.. My right hand, little finger and ring finger(?) started to be in pain, didn't work well and were numb.. all that at the same time.. So I was first thinking it was something to do with the wrists .. but to my surprise doctor actually took some time to look and done some test.. then she told me, that she thinks there's (again) one nerve in pressure.. and if that's the case, it can be operated (unlike my back, there Doctors wont touch as long as I can walk and control my ... plumbing.) So.. Doctor nicely did send me to this.. ENMG test.. some horrible crap with electricity. It was painful and all the way felt nasty.. but hey, if it helps to find the cause.. go for it. So I took it like Me.

Then.. next day they called me.. that they need to do more tests. this time with needles.

Anyhow.. the thing in here is that.. I live in constant pain. Some days less, some days more.. but it's almost always there.. yet.. People around me (well of course the closest ones do get it ) don't see it, because.. I'm quite healthy looking guy. Take care of my self, have more strength than many.. because I must, so that I can continue work.

But oh those faces when I walk with my cane on the streets.. People do have serious problems with me. Or when I have ... hard day... and wife is the one who carry the groceries and I walk with nothing or maybe with the cane.. or.. it might be me.. who thinks people watch me.. because I feel bad.. I have strength, I could do some much.. but the pain... I can take over it for a short times, I can, like I did yesterday, Stackinf the firewood under the roof, if needed, but I will pay to price. Today... has been hell. My back is in pain and my hand is in pain.

But...

When I saw that wife was not well either... I realized that.. Yep. I'm so use to this pain, that I can drive car and get offspring home. (Well, wife deciced to come along, and it was good, because my hand decided to go all numb and I could not drive well anymore... so it was easier to ask can she drive back home)