memory

Most of my adulthood, I've struggled with this quite annoying thing called memory. I have hard time to remember quite simple things, things I've said, things other have told me, things I've seen, done, promised to do etc. I've been thinking that I have bad memory and try to work on it, to get it better.

Lately, I've started to question it, is it really my memory that doesn't work.

Let me explain. As I wrote just second ago, I've done memory exercise and tests a lot, and surprisingly I'm really good at those so... what?

Then... people who know me do call me to ask things about movies, actors, writers, directors and even little bit about older games. Because I know those things and I remember who was in supporting role in some movie in year 1993 and what else he or she has done. Hell, I can remember whole episode of the Farscape that I watched last time four years ago, and remember the name of the actor who was in it just randomly.

So, there was reason why my offspring and spouse did told me to write about media/entertainment (you can read those from here), because I have always something to say about something media/entertainment related.

So, I started to think, that could it be, that it's my adhd and other headalogy difficulties that causes this, not so much memory problems but the moment when I sould but something in my memory.

You see, I think, that if there's a "HEY Butterfly!" moment around the time when I should be butting something in my memory for later use, the thing is lost but I remember the Butterfly. But whit movie etc. area of life, my personal interest is so high that even the butterfly can fly around and get only small smirk from me.

Does this theory sound plausible?

Well, we shall see, when the doctors, psychologist and psychological nurses and others around me swarming headalogycal people get a hold of me what to do with me, there has been talk about try to "teach" me to but things better in my mind.

That and other areas of my headalogy game are so much of mystery to my psychological team, that we are still in the game of finding some drugs to build some base where to start building bit more stable me, with therapy and weird stuff like that, and it's fine by me, because I'm not so sure anymore, do I want to be in disability pension.

Finally

Finally

I know the world seems to think that Finnish medical care is good, and it is if you are rich and at least got a job. But for someone like me, it's difficult to get help.

I've been now 9 months on sick leave because of my combination of Bipolar disorder and fibromyalgia or.. because of the difficulties to find medicine for them that work and not make everything else worse. Now when you add my adhd and withered intervertebral disc that cause its own pain… well it's difficult.

But to my surprise my normal doctor decided to seek consultation from pain specialist and then she asked me can she talk with my psychiatrist… and… they found some new medication to try, something that might help with both, the pain and balance my head.

I have just began it so can't say much yet, but it gives me hope.

psychiatrist… she wrote me a year… of rehabilitation if that goes through with the government, that I dare not be hopeful because of me earlier experiences with bureaucracy of that institution… could get me back to school, new work or… disability pension. We shall see… currently I'm happy if the rehab goes trough.

psychiatrist… she's confused with me.. she has given me new diagnoses something about personality  disorder but that and older .. she wants to dig deeper in my head. Now she's bringing new help in ...some psychologist to see can they with my nurse get something out of me.

But it sounds that I'm quite a case