oh you young people... please take control of your future!

I'm trying, but I'm not well and it seems that so many in my generation has swallowed the capitalistic propaganda 

All this shit is starting to annoy me much.

Not the shit in me or my personal life, caused by me medical... difficulties.

But the shit that happens everywhere.

Since when Nazi's weren't complete and utter shit? Since fucking when it has been OK to tell others to kill in the name of race or religion?

When the hell have humans fall this down again?

How the white men feel so scared that they do shit and then blame it on the victims. How the so called leaders of countries almost systematically destroy the earth, the economy, the future of the children, all in the name of capitalism. There seem to be some Humans among the leaders, sadly non in Finland and for sure non in USA or UK.. what I've looked around even Australia is going to shit.

If so called leaders of world keep on inciting racism attacks on other religious, blame sick, unemployed, old and young of the shit that happens because THEY don't care.. well they don't deserve to be the leaders.

Young people. we have seen what the governments have done lately, so I say it's time to try something else.
SO first, before hostile takeover (as so many of the world leaders have done in the business world... well not those who get the little bit of money from dad to start the business and then have ruined almost everything... did you know that Lady Gaga is more successful in business that Trump ever?) let's try this voting thing. I know most of us (yes I consider my self quite young yet) have lost the hope of voting because of the fucking babyboomers who have lost if ever had any moral or caring to the future of earth... but damn.. they will die sooner or later... so YOU must start take over.

Speak to your parents. At least try to make them see how they are hurting you by voting the same shit again and again. 

You people, oh you young people.  Save us.

Albert Einstein: “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”.

Finally

Finally

I know the world seems to think that Finnish medical care is good, and it is if you are rich and at least got a job. But for someone like me, it's difficult to get help.

I've been now 9 months on sick leave because of my combination of Bipolar disorder and fibromyalgia or.. because of the difficulties to find medicine for them that work and not make everything else worse. Now when you add my adhd and withered intervertebral disc that cause its own pain… well it's difficult.

But to my surprise my normal doctor decided to seek consultation from pain specialist and then she asked me can she talk with my psychiatrist… and… they found some new medication to try, something that might help with both, the pain and balance my head.

I have just began it so can't say much yet, but it gives me hope.

psychiatrist… she wrote me a year… of rehabilitation if that goes through with the government, that I dare not be hopeful because of me earlier experiences with bureaucracy of that institution… could get me back to school, new work or… disability pension. We shall see… currently I'm happy if the rehab goes trough.

psychiatrist… she's confused with me.. she has given me new diagnoses something about personality  disorder but that and older .. she wants to dig deeper in my head. Now she's bringing new help in ...some psychologist to see can they with my nurse get something out of me.

But it sounds that I'm quite a case

Cry

I've been actually up rise in home where crying was accepted even for boys. So I cannot say why crying is so hard for me, has been most of my adulthood.

Lately anyhow I've found myself in peculiar situation that I have urgent feeling to burst into cry. I've had it, nagging inside of me a long time now. It's almost everyday feeling. Couple of times I've drop couple tears but this far that's it. I feel it's coming but something is holding it.

It's really weird, as both because I have no idea why I need to cry,( except that my bipolar medication has failed and I have often pain because fibro, and I'm really tired all the time aaand I worry for others.) and because I don't seem to be able to do it.

I think there's huge mess inside of me, the medication don't work so I've started to do to more and more work to stay sane. I sleep poorly, worry I hurt my loved ones, stress more because tried to keep working too. I've driven myself to the edge again and right now I just wait and hope I get help in time.

I'm weekly having acupuncture to open some knots in me. I'm trying new medication to get my emotions back in balance.. So far not there, but feeling bit better. Just.. If I could either cry or find out why I feel like needing to cry.

I've never been much of a crying game, but know to done so more than ones, specially when needed, so even more now I'm annoyed.

....