What I was

What I was.

Let's not go much to the childhood. I was energetic, read a lot, played alone in the forests, lived always half in my imagination so people had hard times to know when the things I said were true and when not, because to me it was all true. Thats all I have to say about my childhood.. Home I was happy every where else, not so much because never felt to fit in.

I had some friends, but not best friend. I spent lots of time with my siblings and cousins,  but only my little brother felt to understand my thoughts and that happened in the later years. I wasn't evil or stupid, just cuite basic ADHD child, sadly schools turned me to look bad boy.

I think.. Hmm. I was smart guy, knew a lot and felt that I was better than others, (now… I still think that, but now I also have facts to back it up.. 😉😂). I was strong, smart man who could not control he's emotions, thoughts, energy, impulses…  nothing in him, so I instead tried to control my surroundings. Basically I was really unstable megalomaniac.

I had lots of friends, but only few really good ones, rest of the people told me how cool and nice I was because they never saw the real me so using that I was arsehat to others. 

I had always some excuses why there must be money for, beer, bar, new computer, game console.. Huge bottles of raw booze... What ever I wanted and what others needed were secondary.

When I went to have fun, it really meant I was drinking myself as drunk as I could. When I was drunk I was usually really mean to people, thinking I was funny because I was laughing, and I sure couldn't be wrong, it was others who had no sense of comedy.

I was always so full of energy and ideas and didn't really have healthy ways to handle it, so I drink way to much. I played on pc or consoles (that I just bought, money or not) and didn't sleep. (well I still don't sleep much).

I have heard that adhd/bipolar both drive people to find some extra sex around…

I haven't had that ever, but I did have habit to flirting with females and sometimes males, and not even noticing it and legend says they were flirting back, and I sure didn't notice that either… But I think I've done about everything else shitty thing there is in a book.

Because I got bored, we have moved around alot, almost never with a good reason. I have at least made studies and working harder for wife because I got an idea to start to study too, in another city (nope I didn't graduate) or got myself a job in another city just when she had things going good… We move and I broke my back and end the job.
I fucked up more studies for my self than others even ever dream to study. Only ones I didn't get in school I was trying to get in. 

But I'm better now, only currently I'm wondering can I study in school anymore as to me it feels that my learning difficulties does only get worse.

So… YoU get the picture?