Cry

I've been actually up rise in home where crying was accepted even for boys. So I cannot say why crying is so hard for me, has been most of my adulthood.

Lately anyhow I've found myself in peculiar situation that I have urgent feeling to burst into cry. I've had it, nagging inside of me a long time now. It's almost everyday feeling. Couple of times I've drop couple tears but this far that's it. I feel it's coming but something is holding it.

It's really weird, as both because I have no idea why I need to cry,( except that my bipolar medication has failed and I have often pain because fibro, and I'm really tired all the time aaand I worry for others.) and because I don't seem to be able to do it.

I think there's huge mess inside of me, the medication don't work so I've started to do to more and more work to stay sane. I sleep poorly, worry I hurt my loved ones, stress more because tried to keep working too. I've driven myself to the edge again and right now I just wait and hope I get help in time.

I'm weekly having acupuncture to open some knots in me. I'm trying new medication to get my emotions back in balance.. So far not there, but feeling bit better. Just.. If I could either cry or find out why I feel like needing to cry.

I've never been much of a crying game, but know to done so more than ones, specially when needed, so even more now I'm annoyed.

....