Why I write the blog?

For me and for you.

This force me to think more, find the words I've lost, inspect modern me, am I more the real me, does my illnesses fuck me up and how and how to fix or reroute things so the illnesses don't ruin the good around me.

This is therapy to me, clear my head, especially when I'm in bad place.

I try not to pour my thoughts to my loved ones so I write em down, they read em if they want. But I think so much and observe myself all the time that I need to speak it out somehow.

And because when I thought to start writing a blog, People were like.” YES. and please write it in english” I can’t be sure, but I think it might be that… I have couple nasty “illnesses” that are quite common, but still too much of a tabu and people want to break out of it and it’s always good that someone else does it first, no matter how poorly it’s done as long as it’s understandable?

I’ve been told, that my writings help people close to me, understand better why I behave so odd ways, but also people who don't know me tell it help them to understand their own loved ones, friends, bosses or neighbours. I have done some talking to little groups about this, mostly to parents of adhd children's, and there I get a lot that I really help, it’s easier to share the light in live situation when You can see the other’s and how they react to your message. Here, I don’t have that powerful tool, I hope to get messages or some words from you few readers, that am I really writing just for myself, is my english too hard to comprehend. I was thinking to write in both English and Finnish, but to be honest, I can’t keep me in one subject so long that I could do a translation either way and I’m bit shy to ask anyone to do the translation for me, because I use really weird and funny ways to express myself and then I would have to explain myself all the time so that someone could do proper translation. So I keep writing in english and hope for the best.

I live in difficult time, we are trying to find me working medication for two of three “illnesses” of mine. My old medication for bipolar disorder fall down because of fibromyalgia medication OR doctor suspect that it had never worked good but that medication made my brains bit sticky so I just didn’t even realise it. I have now 4th new medication under testdrive and… well it’s not working good either and my doctor is changing and you see the need to open up somewhere.

I have, thankfully, awesome family, quite understanding workplace (where I have been on sick leave 4 months soon) and talented professional to talk to about these. But for sure, I would slowly like to get this first problem, Bipolar disorder under control now so we could continue to find something for Fibro also, because that my readers, that is tiresome illness.

But in the meantime I keep doing art, If you are interested of my art, here’s link to my “homepage” and writing these blogs.

Feel free to share or whatever my texts, I don’t mind if I could make a living by helping others ways that I can do. Currently all I seems to be able to do is writing blogs, and making art. I’m not in shape to do those live “talk” sessions no matter how much I would love to be. I have to think bit selfishly now and get me on shape again, shape where I can give hope to people who come to listen me, not the opposite.

So yeah.

Jani