I'm currently in between.

Those of you, who actually have been reading this since the beginning, know that I've been suffering quite a burnout. It started with combination of Doctor's fucked up my medication and toxic leadership at job. Usually I might have been able to handle the latter, but when your mental-medication start to make you unstable.. well, things go bad fast.

That was about year ago.

I have now, let's see, fifth new medication at test drive. It could be quite perfect, as it was suggested a Pain-Specialist-Doctor to my Psychiatrist so the same magic pill could, in theory, easy my Fibro/other pains and stable my mental state.

Of course I don't dare to dream much yet, even that another Doctor thought there's a chance my wrist is fixable. But as I said, I don't dare dream much. I'm waiting do I get disability pension/rehab for a year like Doctor's order was. Because my diagnoses are still bit vague that doctor doesn't quite know what kind of help I need, current hope is that this new medication give some stability to my head and we can build therapy and such on top of that.

Year ago, I was just fine with Disability Pension, the idea felt just fine for me, no pressure of job/school..tiny money monthly, can get more by working little...

But now, I don't know anymore. I feel I would much more prefer to actually get a job as soon as I get my health in order (of course I hope that will happen.) I feel There's still something that I can offer to society, even that I don't like society much.

I've been checking out how computer languages work, coding. Not sure is it for me, but I have time, so why not at least try.

I'm highly interested about human psyche, sadly that would need lot's of schooling and closest school for that is.. far far away, and I'm family man so, moving after school is not so easy. The good part of Coding anyhow is, that one can actually learn it without school, it might be harder, and take time, and more work to show Job's that one really can... but still.. it can be done. SO, I've been wondering that.

But I really believe I could be quite good psychologist

Anyhow.. Everything is open at the moment. I don't know will I get that rehab/disability Pension, if not, I don't know what happens, do I have to get back in try-to-find-a-job-business or some random school? Because I'm just taking first steps where I at least dare to dream I might someday get better.

I hate the Unknown.  Not knowing what will happens, what should I do, where to go.Is there job's I can do, better yet, that I can get?